by Alfred Lam on October 31, 2008 · 1 comment
Today I was scheduled to give a speech at another non-profit community service agency. This agency has a program geared to youths with troubled pasts and aims to give them a fresh start in finding a career, and I was supposed to give a “movivational speech”. All morning I was debating whether to go or not because I could barely get two words out without coughing up a lung. Finally I decided: “Okay, I’ll go give the talk, and the go stright home to rest.”
As soon as I was brought into the room, I could tell it was a tough crowd. At least when I used to speak in churches, people would “pretend” to be interested. Here, folks feel no such obligation. The indifference in the room was so real that you could almost reach out and touch it. But…strangely enough, I found myself “liking” it. It was…honest.
I talked about various things to try and find something that would capture at least a bit of interest. It was a classic case of “throw everything at the wall and see what sticks”. (political sidebar: kind of like the McCain campaign these days…political sidebar over) Towards the end, I decided to look them in the eye and said, “The truth is, where you came from, what you had done, what led you here means absolutely zero now. You are in a place where you CAN start fresh. Whether this leads anywhere, is up to you.” As I said that, one of the youth gave a good slap to his friends sitting next to him who had slept through my whole talk, to try to wake him up to hear what I was saying.
I don’t know why, but that made my day. You’d think after doing this for so many years, stuff like this don’t matter anymore. But I guess I found out again that none of us ever out grow our need to be encouraged, even by the smallest gestures. I just hope I have done the same for at least a couple of them this afternoon.
Yesterday I did my first speaking engagement as Executive Director of my organization. I was invited to give a speech on volunteerism in Canada to a group of new immigrants. It was my first time speaking in public in almost 6 months. Before hand I was rather nervous, it was almost like a race car driver getting back behind the wheel after crashing (alright, so I know nothing about driving a race car, but you get the idea 
).
Almost as soon as I stepped behind the podium, everything came back: The feeling of being “at home”. Feeling that internal “switch” turn on when I am on stage. The feeling of being “connected” with the audience, even though I didn’t know any of them personally. Seeing thoughts turn into words, words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs in my mind. The feeling was just as I remembered it. And it felt…good. I focused on encouraging them as new immigrants, and stressing to them that they can make a difference in the communites they live in through volunteering.
Afterwards many people came to talk to me, telling me they were encouraged by the talk. I spoke with one person after another, shook hands with them, trying to learn their names (It was almost like church!). But one encounter in particular stopped me in my tracks.
A spanish speaking lady came up, we spoke for a while, and then she asked me:
“Are you a Christian?”
It’s been a long time since anyone had asked me that. To be honest, it’s been a long time since I have thought about myself in those terms. I found myself hesitating, not knowing how best to respond. Finally I said, “Um…yes I am.”
She explained to me that she is Catholic, and how she has been struggling as a new immigrant to this country. And then with tears in her eyes, she gave me a big smile, and said:
“I could tell you are a Christian. I see God in you”
“I see God in you.”
Wow.
W-O-W.
6 months.
For 6 whole months, every night I hear the judging, condemning words that was spoken to me 6 months ago by those whom I thought were my friends.
For the first time in 6 months, someone said something to me that went to that same place in my heart where those hurtful words were stored.
For the first time in 6 months, I hear the condemning voices begin to fade, and I felt a sense of…healing.
“I see God in you”
Wow.
Chalk it up to another step forward.
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