“…every time there are losses there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression and resentment, or you choose to let these losses be passages to something new, something wider, and deeper.
When we become aware that we do not have to escape our pains, but that we can mobilize them into a common search for life, those very pains are transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope.”
~Henri Nouwan
It is hard to believe that Easter is here already. A little while ago I promised a friend of mine to be the guest worship leader at his new church on Easter Sunday. I’ve been looking forward to this gig for the past couple of weeks. It is now 2:15am, I really should be sleeping to make sure my voice gets enough rest for tomorrow. But for some strange reason I am feeling uneasy about tomorrow. At first I wasn’t sure why. I checked everything: The set is nailed down. The powerpoint is done. My gear is packed and ready to load tomorrow morning. Then it finally occured to me: Tomorrow marks the first time in 3 years that I will be in church for Easter.
My life was in pieces when Easter 2008 rolled around. I went back to read the blog entry (http://alfredlam.ca/2008/03/easter/) that I wrote on that day. I can still feel the pain seeping from the words that I wrote. Pain that came from the hurt and betrayal that I experienced.
Easter 2009 was THE most meaningful Easter we have ever experienced. Ironically, we celebrated it outside of church. I read my entry (http://alfredlam.ca/2009/04/on-easter/) from that day, and what a difference a year has made! It was as if I was slowly beginning to learn to hope again.
Now here we are. Easter 2010. Part of me is surprised by the freshness of the pain I still feel as I re-read the Easter 2008 entry…even though our lives had moved on in so many exciting different ways. But perhaps this is how life works sometimes for all of us: Some pain never goes away, some wounds never close…BUT, along side of the pain, REAL life goes on: deeper, truer, more joyful, more hopeful.
May be that’s what Easter is all about?
It’s not about going to church. It’s not about being religious. It NEVER was about that.
Easter is about learning to see.
Some of us look down and see the wounds that life has inflicted on us: on our hands, our feet, our heart.
But Easter says, “Yes, those wounds are there. But look up from them and look around you. A new chapter of your life story is being written. A new day is dawning!”
The pain has not stopped. The wounds have not closed. BUT life goes on. Deeper. Truer. More hopeful. More joyful.
Perhaps that’s the lesson behind the wounds in the hands and feet remaining on the body of the resurrected Jesus?
Happy Easter!
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