A few nights ago I was chatting with someone I haven’t talked to in a while and we talked about my journey over the last number of years. In the course of the conversation we talked about what it’s like to live with depression, and he asked, “So, how’s life for you these days?”
I thought for a while, not sure how to respond. Eventually I said, “I have learned to live one day at a time. Some days are better than others. There are days when everything seems bright, and hopeful, and joyous, and I feel like I am soaring with wings like an eagle. There are days when things seem dark, and hopeless and I struggle to find my smile, and I feel like I am just trying to walk and not faint. But I have learned that’s okay, because that’s life. Most days I hit the pillow knowing that I have not been as good as I could have been, and I close my eyes hoping that tomorrow will be a better day than today.”
It was then that I realize the last few years have taught me an important lesson about life. Life is lived today. Life ls lived one day at a time, one moment at a time. Rather than getting caught up in drafting 10 year visions and 5 year plans, I am simply learning to live moment by moment: Waking up this morning, feeling the warmth of the morning sun on my bed, tying pig tails for my little girl as I dropped her off at daycare, sending a text message to my wife tell her I love her, sharing a laugh over lunch with my friends at work, sitting down by my little girl’s bedside, just watching her sleep, enjoying the peace of being alone late at night, writing down my thoughts…
Here’s to enjoying the moments of our everyday lives. And thanks for sharing your moment with me, reading this. 
Last night I sang at our agency’s summer BBQ. It was one of those fun gigs where nothing’s too serious, just out having a good time while singing a couple of tunes. I closed out the set with 古巨基’s “下次再見” (“See You Next Time”). I liked the song from the first time I heard it, partly because it’s so rare to hear a pop song with a beautiful classical guitar arrangement. And I was so happy to have my good friend Philip Li playing it for me last night, who did a beautiful job.
While singing that song on stage, it suddenly hit me how time has changed me. In my younger days I insisted on hanging on to things and people forever. I evaluated the success of every relationship by how long it was kept. For instance, we would call a long marriage a “successful” one, and if a marriage ended after a short while, we’d say the person had a “failed” marriage. Perhaps we got it from our childhood bedtime stories: that people had to end up together living “happily ever after.”
But time, and pain, have been great teachers. And I have learned from them one of the most important truths in life: Everything, everyone changes. Not everything is meant to last “ever after”. Nor is that a necessary pre-requsite to live “happily”. People drift together, people drift apart. That’s okay. It’s not necessary a “good” thing or a “bad” thing. It’s just a “life” thing. 斷線風箏散失風裡…軌跡改變那有錯或對…
I have since learned that rather than worrying about how long I may stay at one place, or how long different people will stay in my life, it’s better for me to focus on today, on the moments that I can share my life with them, and make sure I generously give them the very best that I have. As I was singing, I saw my teammates whom I now work with everyday. What a wonderful group of people! I was reminded how blessed and fortunate I am to have the privilege of serving them, and seeing them help people everyday. Who knows how long this will last? But it doesn’t matter…I have learned it is possible to live “happily” with or without “ever after”.
下次再見…till next time
