More life lessons from unlikely sources…

by Alfred Lam on February 23, 2010 · 0 comments

“Daddy…can we donate Fooly?”  My five year old little girl asked me, with tears in her eyes, first thing this morning.

“Fooly” is a white stuffed animal that she’s had for as long as I can remember.  It is her absolute favorite.  For the longest time, she won’t go to sleep without 2 things: her favorite blanket (which she affectionately calls in Chinese “Pei Pei” which stands for “blanket”), and Fooly.

“Donate Fooly??  Why would you want to do that sweetheart?”

She held up Fooly for me to see.  There was a hole that’s been ripped open.

“Oh, that’s okay sweetie, Mommy can sew Fooly back up.  He’ll be good as new in no time.”

“I know, Daddy, but it will be owie for Fooly if Mommy sew him up.  Can we not throw him out?  Can we donate him?”   She’s crying now.

All of a sudden I understood her logic:  She knows that we have a habit of throwing out broken or worn out toys.  If choosing to keep Fooly means Fooly getting hurt, she’d rather let him go.

Wow.

How is it that sometimes children understands how life works much more than we do?   Sometimes my daughter serves as a daily reminder to me of some of the most profound yet most forgotten truths in life:

Sometimes letting go rather than holding on is the most loving thing to do.

As adult, we have made it our ultimate life mission to hold on, to own, to accumulate, to stockpile…

We measure success by the number of “wins” we accumulate.  But I have learned that the truest measure of success is not the number of wins you have, but the number of times you have failed…and keep trying.

We define wealth by how much we own.  But the truely “richest” people I know are those who have given the most away.

After reassuring her that Mommy is really good at fixing things, and it won’t hurt Fooly a bit if she sew him up, my little girl seemed relieved.

I came home tonight after a late dinner meeting for work.   I came upstairs to find my little girl beaming with joy.  “Look Daddy!  Mommy fixed Fooly!  I have asked Mommy to knit him a hat, because it gets cold in my room, you know!”

Later on,  I went over to check on her.  I saw her nicely tugged in with “Pei Pei” and Fooly by her side.

I thought of what she remined me of today:  Sometimes letting go rather than holding on is the most loving thing to do.

I looked at her, and I knew that one day, down the road, it will be my turn to let her go…

I just hope that when that day comes, I will remember what she taught me today.

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10 steps to the stage…

by Alfred Lam on February 17, 2010 · 0 comments

The house lights are dimmed.  The introduction video has been played.  The band has walked on stage to take their places to the gentle applause from the audience.  I start my walk from the green room to the stage.

10 steps from the stage.

“Why am I doing this?  Am I crazy?”

“What do you think gives you the right to do this again?”

“Who is out there?”

“What will people think of me?”

5 steps from the stage.

“Can I really do this?  Still?  It’s been so long…”

Step, Step, Step, 4, 3, 2, 1…

Pause

Standing on the edge between the light of the stage and darkness of the walkway.

Staring at the line between darkness and light. The line beyond which there’s no turning back.  

One step to the stage.

The last step.

“Can I really do this?”

I took a deep breath.   Then it happened.  As if someone (Someone?) had flipped a switch.

That sense of “dead calmness” I have always felt for almost 20 years before stepping on stage returned.   As familiar as an old friend.

The heart slows down.

The world fades away.

“Yes.  I can do this.”

I took one more step forward.  One last step.   Out of the shadows.

Into the light.

Embraced by that familiar yet inexplicable sense of “loneliness”, I felt at peace.  At last.

Not knowing who is out there in the darkness,  I breathed a familiar prayer for them: “May these songs and words find you and touch you, wherever you are, whoever you may be.”

I picked up my guitar.  I walked up to the mic.

I’ve found my way home.

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What’s next?

February 4, 2010

It has been a few days since the concert, and thanks to all of you who sent me emails and left messages on Facebook and on my website, we are all still feeling pretty good  (So please keep those messages, comments and emails coming!! )
Every once in a while life grants [...]

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Wow…What a night!

February 1, 2010

“…live high…live mighty…live righteously…”
After months of preparation and rehearsing, it was hard to believe that the concert finally happened yesterday.  The day was a blur with a flurry of activities: woke up…picked up concert programs from our designer; dropped off Taylor at my sister’s; car battery died (AARRRGHHH!!!); waiting for CAA to come; arriving for [...]

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Most Valuable Lesson in Parenting

January 8, 2010

Last week we were having dinner with a couple of good friends whom we haven’t seen in a while because of distance.  As we sat around and chated while watching our kids play together after dinner, she turned to me and asked, “Alfred, you wrote that the past few years have totally transformed how you look [...]

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Concert…It’s Coming Up!!

January 4, 2010

Happy New Year everyone!  Can you believe it’s 2010 already?
As we turn the page in our calendars to January, we are really getting busy on preparing for the concert on Jan 30 (have you ordered your ticket yet? One of the real blessings from the preparation process so far has been the time [...]

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Alfred Lam and Friends in Concert: “Together. One Night” “友緣 . 一聚”

December 18, 2009

 Please join me on a musical journey as I share some of the most important, life changing lessons I have learned over the past few years. 100% of the proceeds from ticket sales will be donated to the Canadian Mental Health Association – York Region Branch.
Date: January 30, 2010
Time: 7pm
Place: Cosmopolitan Music Hall (Inside Cosmo [...]

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The Healing Power of Music

December 15, 2009

Last night I performed at the Christmas Volunteer Appreciation Dinner of the Canadian Mental Health Association (York Region Branch).  What a wonderful group of people!  Many of the volunteers themselves have been diagnosed with a mental illness.  They have received support and help from this wonderful organization and as a way of giving back and [...]

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Mental Health Series up on Lone Voice site!

December 4, 2009

Hi everyone!
Just a quick note to say that the series on Mental Health is up on the Lone Voice Workshop site.  click here to read all about it!
Have a great weekend!

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“Be the man you want her to marry”

December 1, 2009

I recently joint a group of fathers with daughters to read a book and blog about our thoughts.  The book is “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters” by Meg Meeker.  To be honest, I have never been a big fan of “parenting philosophy books” for the same reasons that I don’t put a lot of stock in [...]

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